Graduation can be PAINFUL for parents. Whether it is preschoolers, elementary school students, middle schoolers moving to high school, or the high school graduates going off to college, we SEE you. Here are 7 tips to help you navigate your feelings around graduation:
#1 Separate YOUR feelings from those of your CHILD. From sobbing to obsessive photo taking, memorializing every moment to telling birth stories, watching sad movies to listening to baby songs – parents’ reactions can get in the way of our children’s feelings and influence their reaction to this natural transition.
#2 Accept that there isn’t ONE way to feel. Whatever trajectory you and your child take, make room for it to be your own. Avoid pressure on how to react (or comparison to those around you), and focus on making space for all feelings – yours, your child’s, and your extended family. Conflicting feelings – excitement for the future and sadness in moving on – which are common on these occasions, can also lead to anxiety for young people across many ages.
#3 Take a breath. Not a fake one while hyperventilating, an actual breath. Intense feelings can overwhelm us all, but welcoming and acknowledging them, and all their contradictions, can allow us to feel less disappointed or frustrated with ourselves.
#4 Find your own space. Your children (at all ages) need to know that you can take care of yourself, and that you will be OK. This means reassuring them that they don’t need to manage your emotions and reactions for you.
#5 It’s an important day, but only one day. Keep realistic expectations of a challenging day and roll with them. It’s healthy modeling for your children and healthy boundaries for yourself.
#6 Set your sights on the next great thing. Think of something you are looking forward to doing with your child in the next phase of their journey – like a new activity to do together, a new routine to share, or a new family tradition. Be open to the movement and change as a way to deepen the parent-child connection, instead of viewing this growth as a threat to your environment.
#7 Above all, have faith that when it comes to relationships, the road is long and full of bumps and repairs. Time makes us stronger, wiser, and more forgiving, and the gifts of a parent-child relationship never expire.