Is your child slow to warm up? Are you? What your child overhears you say about them can stick. When they hear you say “She’s just shy”, they tend to internalize that label. That can make it harder for them to come out of their shell.
Shyness isn’t a bad thing – it’s related to having a slow-to-warm-up temperament.
Two things to remember about temperament:
1) It’s not a conscious choice made by your child, nor is it something you’ve instilled.
2) It’s not something that you can or should change as a parent. Every temperament has its strengths that make some situations easier than others.
What to Try:
Relabel your child’s shyness as being observant or thoughtful. This helps your child understand themselves and see the strengths that come with their temperament.
Offer to help them in situations that are challenging for them, like joining another child playing on the playground that they seem interested in. “You are watching Luke play on the swings. Want to see if we can join in?”
When other people comment on your child being shy, try responding in a way that reframes shyness as being slow to warm up. For example, “She takes a minute to warm up to new people.” or “She likes observing before joining in.”
Reinforce brave behavior. “I liked the way you said hi to the boy on the playground. Did you notice how he smiled when you did that?”